For all its worth, a contract is a contract. I didn’t know if, in case of troubles, this one would stand in court but at least it gives the terms under which I intended to live in my house by the ocean in this Southeastern Asian country surrounded by three Asian ladies living in the nude.
And, I thought, the women agreeing to this contract couldn’t say later that they didn’t know what was up or that I was being unfair. At least they’d know what to expect, or most of it, and could make an enlighten decision. So, here’s May Linh’s contract, the first candidate who, during the interview, went so far as to consider potentially working for me.
Art 1 – This work contract is established between May Linh and Mr. Me for an undetermined period of time, the latest being presumably when death tears old Mr. Me apart.
Art 2 – May Linh is employed starting (date) in quality of being an Asian woman. She understands she may not be the only one holding the position (a maximum of three).
Art 3 – Job is five days a week. May Linh can come and go as she wishes but she has to spend five nights a week ‘at home’. She has two days off per week.
Art 4 – The job consists for May Linh to be alive and living, in the nude, with Mr. Me in his house by the beach in (address).
Art 5 – May Linh understands that Mr. Me will be ogling her all day like a maniac.
Art 6 – May Linh consents that Mr. Me may be fondling her, here and there, weather permitting.
Art 7 – May Linh will take her share of the house chores such as cleaning and cooking.
Art 8 – May Linh will sleep in Mr. Me’s bed.
Art 9 – Salary is 4.000 coppers per month; 2.000 coppers in cash at month’s end, 2.000 coppers deposited in a fund in May Linh’s name.
Art 10 – Mr. Me can end this contract at any time, given a week notice. No questions asked.
Art 11 – May Linh can end this contract at any time, given a week notice. No questions asked.
Art 12 – May Linh is not a maid, not a nurse, not a caretaker, not an undertaker. She’s not a girlfriend nor a mistress and can expect nothing other than her salary for this job.
Art 13 – This job is all expenses paid: lodging, food, utilities.
Art 14 – Mr. Me’s house being a bit secluded, for her transportation, May Linh will dispose at will of a blue electric Vespa motorbike. For longer distances there is a taxi service with an account in the name of Mr. Me.
Art 15 – The forest, the beach, the ocean, the sun, the moon, typhoons, are part of this job.
Art 16 – There’s no point for May Linh and Mr. Me to argue.
Art 17 – May Linh will dispose of half the air time: Music? No music? What kind of music? TV? No TV? It doesn’t matter, half of the air time is hers, half the air time is Mr. Me’s.
Art 18 – There is an Internet connection on this job.
Art 19 – If asked, Mr. Me will provide swimming lessons.
Art 20 – It is understood that no one dies of being cold, of course.
Art 21 – Mr. Me smokes, although mostly outside, and drinks beer. That too is understood.
Art 22 – Mr. Me could be from Arkansas, May Linh can rest assured: no beating, no hitting, no biting (and if at all possible, no screaming).
Art 23 – Mr. Me and May Linh will at all times be courteous to each other.
There. It was Saturday night and I had my contract spelled out. So I wrote a mail to May Linh.
“Dear May Linh”, I started.
No, I deleted the ‘dear’, I was the boss after all.
You’ll find your work contract enclosed as promised.
I also got today the medical certificate you required.
Please let me know of your intentions.
After I had sent the message, I stayed a while longer on the terrace of the apart-hotel I had rented, drinking beer, wondering if she’d answer me, if I’d ever see her again. But at this point, after such a day and several beers, I didn’t care that much anymore and I wasn’t sure at all if all these troubles were worth it. I laughed alone when I imagined myself having to go to court to settle a dispute between May Linh and me. “Yes, your honor, I did hire this woman so I could fondle her up her ass.” I was sure to win that case, for a change.
Anyway, I was glad that the next day I could finally go back home, to my place by the beach, by the ocean.
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